Heeromeo and Duoette
by D.L. SchizoAuthoress
Summary: After the events of Endless Waltz, the Gundam boys must go back and get a high school education. They're soon suckered into a twisted play...along with various 'friends' from their war days. (Act I, Scene 2 FINALLY up!) ON HIATUS
1. Prologue

The Tatakai no Kinenhi Koutou-Gakkou[1] Theatre Players proudly present…  
  
"Heeromeo and Duoette"  
  
The director of the play, a slender girl with black hair and intense blue eyes comes out from behind the curtain. She is followed by another black- haired girl, this one an Asian female with red eyes.  
  
The director, Straif Caoniag[2], says, "We realize in advance that some of the lines of this play bear a direct resemblance to Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" and we wish to clarify:"  
  
She and Sakura Chou[3] say together, "This is a parody of the play. If you have an aversion to such things, leave now. Thank you."  
  
****  
  
"Heeromeo and Duoette"  
  
Prologue  
  
CHORUS: (Straif and Sakura)  
  
Two households, both alike in dignity  
  
In fair Tokyo, where we lay our scene  
  
From colonists grudge springs a mutiny  
  
Where OZ-ish blood makes Gundam hands unclean.  
  
From forth the colonies to fight the foe  
  
A pair of star-crossed lovers take their lives  
  
Or do they? Listen to this play and you shall know.  
  
With patience great you should attend  
  
And all confusion we'll seek to mend  
  
****  
  
A/N: And so it begins! (Finally…I wrote this back in 2000) Stay tuned for the scenes of Act One!  
  
[1] roughly translates to "War Memorial High School"  
  
[2] 'strayf co-nee-ak,' AKA the Gundam Wing character of my sometime co- author Ziy  
  
[3] my Gundam Wing character 


	2. Act I, Scene 1

"Heeromeo and Duoette"  
  
A/N: Most names in this are a comination of the GWing character and the Shakespeare one (HeeRO + ROmeo = Heeromeo; WUfei, BalTHASAR = Wuthasar). 'Relena' is a mix of an extra and Rosalind (Who never appears in "Romeo and Juliet") so some lines are switched/added when she's around. Also, the 'guys in dresses' theme is a dig at the lack of female dramatists in Shakespeare's time. Please don't be offended.  
  
Act One; Scene One  
  
[Enter, stage left: Two Maguanacs from the house of Capulet. They swagger down the street, acting like they're all that and a bag of chips.]  
  
Mag. One: Oh yeah, we're so cool.  
  
Mag. Two: Uh-huh. Capulets rule, Montayuys suck!  
  
[Two Montayuy servants enter, stage right, walking the opposite direction as the Maguanacs.]  
  
Mag. One: (pulls out sword) Look! Servants of the house of Montayuy!  
  
Mag. Two: (waves his sword) Let's get them!  
  
Mag. One: (reconsiders) Um, wait. Let's just insult them or something.  
  
[As Wuthasar and another Montayuy servant pass them, Mag. Two flips them off.]  
  
Mon. Servant: Did you see that?  
  
Wuthasar: Yes. But I shall not pick a fight with lowly Capulet worms.  
  
[But Mon. Servant turns and shouts at the Maguanacs anyway.]  
  
Mon. Servant: Did you just flip us off, sir?  
  
Mag. One: He did flip someone off, sir?  
  
Mon. Servant: (angry) Did you just flip *us* off, sir?!  
  
[Wuthasar signals Mon. Servant that someone is coming.]  
  
Mag. Two: I do flip someone off, sir, but I do not flip you off.  
  
[Enter Trowalio, stage left. He is one of the Montayuy family, Heeromeo's first cousin.]  
  
Mag One: (to Mag. Two) Here comes one of our master's kin! We will fight them!  
  
[Both pull out their swords again.]  
  
Mon. Servant: Liars!  
  
Mag. Two: Draw, if you be men!  
  
[Well, Wuthasar is pissed now, so they fight.]  
  
Trowalio: Stop, bakas! (beats down their swords with his own) You know not what you do!  
  
[Enter, low right, Relena (Duoette's friend) and Dorobalt, hot-headed sister of Lord Capulet.]  
  
Relena: What, are you fighting with the servants of my friend?  
  
Dorobalt: Turn, Trowalio! And look on your death!  
  
Relena: Peace, Dorobalt, peace!  
  
[Trowalio turns to the pacifist, sword pointed at her.]  
  
Trowalio: What, we are drawn and you talk of peace?  
  
Dorobalt: I hate the word, as I hate Hell and all Montayuys!  
  
[Despite Relena jumping up and down, waving her hands in the peace sign, they fight.]  
  
[Enter, high left, Lord Quatre Capulet and Lady Rashid.]  
  
Rashid: What's this, what's this? Give me a longsword!  
  
Quatre: A crutch, a crutch! Why call you for a sword?  
  
Rashid: Um, because...(whines) I wanna fight tooo!  
  
[Enter, high right, Dr. J Montayuy]  
  
Dr. J: You villains, Capulets!  
  
Relena: (screaming to no one in particular) Stop, stop! Fighting isn't the way!  
  
[Enter Princess Meiran (or an actress playing Mei-sama). Wuthasar gets all starry-eyed at her appearance.]  
  
Meiran: Rebellious subjects, enemies of peace!  
Listen up, you men, you beasts!  
I'll punish any and all fighting from now on by death! All this fighting has started because of a simple insult, and I'm sick of it! Every time a brawl starts, I lose good taxpayers! Leave, all of you, and heed my warning!  
  
[Exit all, save Dr. J and Trowalio.]  
  
Dr. J: Okay, how did this start? Trowalio, was it you?  
  
Trowalio: Hey, I was just trying to break it up! Blame Dorobalt Capulet!  
  
Dr. J: Curse that Dorobalt! Her temper will come to no good! (calms down a bit) Say, have you seen Heeromeo?  
  
[Trowalio nods and points offstage right. On cue, Heeromeo enters, looking oddly sad.]  
  
Dr. J: What's wrong with my..um, son? (aside) He's not really, but okay...  
  
[Heeromeo glances over his shoulder, kinda scared.]  
  
Trowalio: See, the poor guy is trying to get away from Relena, friend of the Capulets.  
  
Dr. J: Well, he better not start liking her.  
  
Trowalio: Don't worry.  
  
Dr. J: (glances at watch) Ack! I'm late to go pick up gundanium for those repairs on Heavyarms and Wing!  
  
[Exit Dr. J.]  
  
Heeromeo: Was that the good doctor that went by so quickly.  
  
Trowalio: It was.  
  
Heeromeo: Ah me! The time seems to pass so slowly!  
  
Trowalio: What sadness lengthens Heeromeo's days?  
  
Heeromeo: That which the lack of makes them short.  
  
[Trowalio sweatdrops.]  
  
Trowalio: In love?  
  
Heeromeo: Out--  
  
Trowalio: Out of love?  
  
Heeromeo: Out of love with she who is in love with me. (pause) Basically, I'm running away from Relena, who loves me and thinks I love her but I don't.  
  
Trowalio: Oh...  
  
[Heeromeo notices all the blood from the brawl.]  
  
Heeromeo: Ah, Trowalio! What fray was here?  
  
[Before Trowalio can explain, Heeromeo continues.]  
  
Heeromeo: And yet, I know. It's the same thing it always is?  
  
Trowalio: Yes.  
  
Heeromeo: Have you seen Relena today?  
  
Trowalio: Yes, she was with Dorobalt, who started the fight.  
  
Heeromeo: Then right glad I am I was not in this fray.  
  
[Exit Trowalio and Heeromeo] 


	3. Act I, Scene 2

"Heeromeo and Duoette"  
  
A/N: The site where I get my script is: http://www.geocities.com/Broadway/1796/script.html  
You know that yaoi and shonen ai and all varieties thereof are really abused in GWing fanfiction. I trust that I won't get flamed, unless it's by some rabid Shakespeare purist (not that all purists are rabid, or even bad.)  
  
[Stage dierctions]  
(actions during a speech)  
[[Authoress's Notes]]  
***********************  
Act One; Scene Two  
  
[Enter Lord Quatre Capulet, Zechs, and a Servant of Capulet]   
  
Quatre: But Dr. J is bound as well as I, in penalty alike; and 'tis not hard, I think, for men such as we to keep the peace.  
  
Zechs: Of course it is easy for you, you're a pascifist; and I wonder why you lived at odds so long with J. But my lord, what say you to my suit?  
  
Quatre: Only saying o'er what I have said before: My child is yet a stranger in the world; She has not seen the change of seventeen years. Let two more summers wither in their pride, before we may think her ripe to be a bride.  
  
Zechs: There are happy mothers made of girls younger than he.  
  
[[A/N: Quatre Winner is a bit upset that Zechs has called Duoette, a female *character,* 'he'. He's also unhappy that he has to play in this mutilation of Shakespeare.]]   
  
Quatre: Those early mothers are too early wed, and made thus. (blanks on some of his lines, starts ad-libbing) Look, all of my children are dead, save Duoette. She is the hopeful lady of my earth:  
But woo her, gentle Zechs, get her heart, I have no objection to that, I only wish that you wouldn't talk of marriage so soon. Come, go with me. (to Cap. Servant, giving a paper) Go, sirrah, trudge about through fair Tokyo; find those persons whose names are written on this list, and tell them that there will be a party at my house.  
My house and welcome on their pleasure stay.  
  
[Exuent Quatre Capulet and Zechs, Servant wanders off with the note unhappily.]  
  
[Enter Trowalio and Heeromeo]  
  
Trowalio: Okay, here's an idea. Let's get rid of the poisonous affections of Relena by finding a new poison for you, a new love. After all, love is poison to a man, killing all his sense and reason.  
  
Heeromeo: You are more deadly, your words a bitter poison to my heart.  
  
Trowalio: Why, Heeromeo, art thou mad?   
  
Heeromeo: Not mad, but bound more than a mad-man is; shut up in prison, kept without my food, whipp'd and tormented and--  
  
Trowalio: No need to hear your war record, Montayuy.  
  
Cap. Servant: Excuse me, sirs. I wonder, can either of you read?  
  
Heeromeo: Ay, mine own fortune in my misery.  
  
Cap. Servant: Perhaps you have learned it without book. But, I ask, can you read any thing you see?  
  
Heeromeo: Ay, if I know the letters and the language.  
  
Cap. Servant: Ah-hah! I see that you merely jest with me. Rest ye merry.  
  
Heeromeo: Stay, fellow; I can read. (takes note and reads)  
"Signior Martino and his wife and daughters;  
County Anselme and his beauteous sisters;   
the lady widow of Vente;   
Signior Placentio and his lovely nieces;   
Noincutio and her brother Valentine, and any two friends they wish;   
mine uncle Capulet, his wife and daughters;   
my daughter's friend Relena and   
my hot-headed sister, Dorobalt."  
A fair assembly: whither should they come?  
  
Cap. Servant: To supper; to our house.  
  
Heeromeo: Whose house?  
  
Cap. Servant: My master's.  
  
Heeromeo: Indeed, I should have ask'd you that before.  
  
Cap. Servant: I'll tell ye now, without your asking. They are the great Lord and Lady Capulet, and if ye be not of the house of Montayuy, come crush a cup of wine with us!  
[Exit]  
  
Trowalio: Ah-hah! Let's go to the Capulets' party...and crash it!  
  
Heeromeo: Has the Zero System totally screwed up your head? There's no way that I'm going within twenty nautical miles of Relena!  
  
Trowalio: The note said Noincutio is invited, and can bring friends! We're her best friends; she'll invite us for sure!  
  
Heeromeo: But we will be recognized!  
  
Trowalio: I have the perfect solution. Masks! (looks all excited)  
  
Heeromeo: (resigned sigh) You and your masks...  
  
[Exuent] 


End file.
